Toughen Up!

I have a vivid memory of a trifle of an event that happened last summer, over six months ago. It is a

memory that really shouldn’t even exist at all. It should have simply been a casual observation and

forgotten in the next instant, replaced by whatever I happened upon next. This memory, for some

unknown reason seems to have hung on with much more tenacity than it would seem to deserve.

Maybe it has stayed with me so that I could share it with you in a Leadership Lesson of the Day. Maybe

it just exposes an inner flaw within myself, I don’t know, but I will take the chance and share it with you

here. It goes like this…

It was a warm summer day last July and my wife and children were walking along the shoreline of

Michigan’s Lake Huron with me. The sky was clear and the sun was at its apex warming the air to about

80 degrees. The water was a beautiful blue green with gentle waves and the sand was warm to the

soles of our bare feet. We were taking a mid-day stroll up and down the beach, to get a little sun and

exercise in before lunch and to see the sights along the way. We had walked to our turnaround point,

about a mile from the cottage and on the way back we happened upon what should have been an

unremarkable situation. We had simply walked past a man and his son, playing catch with a Frisbee on

the beach in front of their cottage. That in and of itself was nice, and as mentioned earlier, not really

very noteworthy. What caught my eye however, and has burned an image in my memory was that as

we walked past, the man threw the toy toward his son. The man’s hand must have been canted a bit,

and the disc flew with a slight arc, flying about two feet to the left of the boy. Herein lays the

remarkable thing, the boy did not move to attempt to catch the Frisbee. Instead he simply extended his

pale right arm in the direction of the flight, with almost zero effort. He simply stood there with his arm

lazily extended as he watched the disc sail past his open hand. As the Frisbee alit in the sand a few feet

away, the boy turned and rolling his eyes, gave his father a look that mockingly said, “Nice throw. Now I

have to take a few steps and bend down.”

That’s it. I think I was getting ready to shout an encouraging, “Nice catch!” to the lad, expecting a diving

catch, but instead I stood there disappointed and to be honest, appalled at his total absence of effort.

Where was the drive? The throw was surely catchable, and even presented the opportunity to sacrifice

his body a little and leap through the air to catch the disc. He could have demonstrated his athleticism,

his determination, his desire to win, his ability to overcome the imperfect execution of the plan and save

the day. He had a chance to be a micro hero for an instant. He might have even picked up a small

abrasion or bruise to show off later as a merit badge of saving the play. Instead, nothing. He just stood

there disappointed that the Frisbee did not happen to hit him directly in his hand and allow him to

simply close his fingers around it.

Oh how a part of me wanted to coach that boy, (and to be honest, that father) in that moment and

share with him some truths that he will so desperately need as he grows up. I would have relished the

chance to mentor the young lad from a leadership development perspective. I would have loved to

introduce him to “Zeke the Wonder Dog” as a stellar example of one who gives his all to a cause.

Zeke performs at every MSU home football game and would NEVER let a Frisbee fly by without extending his all to catch it, no matter how difficult the throw. Sometimes Zeke gets as much applause as some of the players!

Like I said, a rather strange memory to hang around, but it does illustrate a need we have as leaders,

and in this case, as parents to teach our charges and our children the valuable lessons that life is hard

and things not only don’t always go our way, the truth is, they seldom do. To be successful in our pursuits, we will need to be tough and strong. We will need to exert great efforts to overcome the errantly thrown Frisbees in our life, and to be able to find a way to win and to snatch victory from the

jaws of defeat.

As leaders, we need to look inside ourselves first and make sure we are working to toughen up and to

stay strong. Leading is seldom easy, and it takes strength and endurance to persevere and to

successfully execute the missions entrusted to us. The mantel of leadership is heavy, and it is not to be

placed on weak shoulders. As leaders we need to toughen up in our mind, our body and our spirit. We

cannot expect those we lead to be strong, if we ourselves are not strong. What are you doing to keep

yourself in shape, mentally, physically and spiritually? It will never happen by itself, nor will it remain

without constant effort to keep it. I like the way Navy Seal Jocko Willink puts it, “You want to improve

your mental toughness? Try this: BE TOUGHER”.

Maybe one of the reasons this memory has lingered so long with me is that it serves as a reminder of

what I see as a great need for our country, and especially our youth to essentially, “toughen up”. The

problems and issues that we will need to face and overcome will require the future citizens of our

country to be as strong and as tough as those of our past. The amazing technologies that we enjoy

today surely make life easier, but that is only at the surface. Just microns below our modern blanket of

ease lay the same harsh realities of the struggles of life and it will take true grit, determination and

strength to not only endure, but to prevail in all of the challenges errantly thrown our way. We need to

teach these truths to our youth. Frederick Douglass put it well when he stated that it is easier to build

strong children than it is to repair broken men.

Some of the issues we are dealing with as a nation and as a society today illustrate the need to align our

expectations with the unfortunate and harsh realities of life and to address these issues from a position

of inner strength, courage and wisdom. We need to toughen up and to lead well to really get to the

core of the problems and troubles we face and to make life better. We start with ourselves first, and

then instill this attitude and philosophy in those team mates we are responsible for as leaders. Dr.

Everett Piper, the President of Oklahoma Wesleyan University recently came across a student who

appeared to be letting a Frisbee casually sail by, without extending the necessary effort to catch it, and to blame the one who threw it. This encounter inspired Dr. Piper to write an article in the school’s

paper that is essentially a call for his students and faculty to toughen up and to seize the day. I think it

serves as a good leadership model to help align expectations with realities and to inspire an inner

strength to overcome the challenges around us, to grow, to prosper and to ultimately win. A copy of

that editorial is attached for your consideration.

Going forward my we all lead well and as always;

Stay Strong,

Terry J. Woychowski

Dr. Everett Piper, President

Oklahoma Wesleyan University

This past week, I actually had a student come forward after a university chapel service and complain

because he felt “victimized” by a sermon on the topic of 1 Corinthians 13. It appears this young scholar

felt offended because a homily on love made him feel bad for not showing love. In his mind, the speaker

was wrong for making him, and his peers, feel uncomfortable.

I’m not making this up. Our culture has actually taught our kids to be this self-absorbed and narcissistic.

Any time their feelings are hurt, they are the victims. Anyone who dares challenge them and, thus, makes

them “feel bad” about themselves, is a “hater,” a “bigot,” an “oppressor,” and a “victimizer.”

I have a message for this young man and all others who care to listen. That feeling of discomfort you

have after listening to a sermon is called a conscience. An altar call is supposed to make you feel bad. It

is supposed to make you feel guilty. The goal of many a good sermon is to get you to confess your

sins—not coddle you in your selfishness. The primary objective of the Church and the Christian faith is

your confession, not your self-actualization.

So here’s my advice:

If you want the chaplain to tell you you’re a victim rather than tell you that you need virtue, this may not be

the university you’re looking for. If you want to complain about a sermon that makes you feel less than

loving for not showing love, this might be the wrong place.

If you’re more interested in playing the “hater” card than you are in confessing your own hate; if you want

to arrogantly lecture, rather than humbly learn; if you don’t want to feel guilt in your soul when you are

guilty of sin; if you want to be enabled rather than confronted, there are many universities across the land

(in Missouri and elsewhere) that will give you exactly what you want, but Oklahoma Wesleyan isn’t one of

them.

At OKWU, we teach you to be selfless rather than self-centered. We are more interested in you practicing

personal forgiveness than political revenge. We want you to model interpersonal reconciliation rather than

foment personal conflict. We believe the content of your character is more important than the color of your

skin. We don’t believe that you have been victimized every time you feel guilty and we don’t issue “trigger

warnings” before altar calls.

Oklahoma Wesleyan is not a “safe place”, but rather, a place to learn: to learn that life isn’t about you, but

about others; that the bad feeling you have while listening to a sermon is called guilt; that the way to

address it is to repent of everything that’s wrong with you rather than blame others for everything that’s

wrong with them. This is a place where you will quickly learn that you need to grow up.

This is not a day care. This is a university.