Funerals are Mandatory, Weddings are Discretionary
Leadership Thought of the Day
I received an email message last week from an associate at work. It was only two sentences long, but it
conveyed an important leadership truth. The note was in response to a hand written card I had sent to
this person earlier in the week expressing my condolences for the loss of one of their siblings. This note
was not unlike numerous responses that I have received from others in similar circumstances. The
ending of this note is a very good summary of the many that I have received along the way where it read, “again, thank you from the bottom of my heart.”
Leadership is a relational business. The closer you are to knowing your team, and to be able to meet
them where they are at, the better you can lead. I have heard it said that “before people care about
how much you know, they need to know how much you care.” When someone thanks you “from the
bottom of their heart” you know that you have taken an important step in building upon your
relationship. That being the case I would like to share a couple of leadership points:
1. Funerals are mandatory, weddings are discretionary. This is actually the title of the 11th chapter of Rudolph W. Giuliani’s book titled, “Leadership”. This chapter captured the emphasis that the Mayor placed on the importance of expressing sympathy and sharing in the loss of those he served the citizens of New York together with. This was especially true during the extremely critical time immediately following the crisis of 9/11 in NYC. As a good leader, Mayor Giuliani valued dedicating himself to the most difficult challenges facing him, and that they took precedence over the lighter and more enjoyable things. I believe this to be true and have made it a personal leadership practice to reach out to any of my associates or acquaintances that have suffered a loss with an expression of condolence, support and love.
I experienced this truth first hand when I lost my father. Many years later I can vividly recall a
Sunday evening at the wake of his funeral seeing Mr. Guy Briggs walk into the funeral home to
express his respect for my father and his condolence to me and my family. Guy was a Vice
President of General Motors. He had never met my father who was a technician at the GM
Proving Ground. I myself was barley on the leadership radar at the time. The feeling I got when
I realized that Guy took time from his precious weekend to come to the funeral home and share
in my grief and to share his compassion had a seismic effect on me. As I continued in my career at GM I can honestly say that one of my primary motivators was my desire to never do anything that would displease Guy. Even today I consider him to be one of the finest leaders I know.
2. One of the most important tools in a leader’s tool box is a box of stationary and a nice pen.
Whether it is a sad event like the one mentioned above, or a happy occasion such as the
celebration of a life or career accomplishment it is hard to beat the impact that a hand written
note can have. For a small cost a leader can order a box of personalized stationary for just such
occasions. Mine are 4 ½ by 6 ½ inch card stock with a boarder and my name imprinted on the
top and on the back of the envelope from American Stationary. I keep a box in my desk at work
and in my desk in my home office. I try to make it a habit of jotting a quick note to people to
help ease the burden of difficult times, or to express and share in the happiness of joyous
occasions. Although I have never been accused of having beautiful handwriting, barely legible
truth be told, I can attest that receiving a hand written note carries more weight than an email,
text or voice mail ever could.
Let me encourage you to value and build relationships with those you are responsible to lead. Meet
people where they are at, and help equip, train and encourage them from that vantage point to
progress toward your objectives. A big part of building those relationships is in the sharing of the
difficult times in people’s lives and in the sharing in the grand times. Discipline yourself to take the time
to express your care in a hand written note and encourage your inner circle to do likewise. It will go a
long way to building a great team.
Stay Strong,
Terry
